2017
I've never been one to make resolutions. Maybe because I knew I'd never actually follow through. Today we begin a new year and after reading something someone wrote a few days ago it's had me thinking. Not to mention when you've been searching for days for a self help book and the only one that really sparks your interest is "Fuck Feelings"! I don't think they write a self help book for people like me. I guess my search for a therapist will continue. God bless their soul!
I consider myself a pretty private person when it comes to myself. I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. Wear a fake smile well. I've been struggling with some things in my personal life for the past six months but especially within the past week. I've been absolutely, 100% broken! My health has not been well. My mental state even worse.
I've always been one of those people who just plain out tells it like it is. Not to intentionally hurt anyone, but to just be real with the people I come into contact with. With so much fake in the world, so much lying surrounding everything around us, I wanted to be different. I never considered it a bad quality, until recently it was brought to my attention that it's a quality that even those closest to me cannot stand. A quality almost deemed abusive. A quality hated so much, that it actually drives people away from me. And while I've always said that I don't give a damn what people think about me, when it comes to the people, or person, I love the most, I do care. I absolutely care. And I have to change to save my relationship which is much more valuable than any words or actions that I could give.
I've spent so much of my life hating people, being angry, and growing bitter and resentful. I've allowed the hurt and pain to manifest inside and control the person I became. And while I would give anyone the shirt off my back if they truly needed it, I always approach with caution, and examined the bad before looking for any good, and that's no way to live life. I've decided to try and finally let go of so many things that I've allowed to eat at my soul for the last two decades of my life.
If you're one of the people who has hurt me and therefore I have in return hurt, offended, or been rude to in any way, please accept my sincerest apologies and understand that I no longer feel any ill will. I think it's so incredibly important to make the decision and the choice to forgive and to move on, and that's what I'm planning on doing from here on out. The pain is deep and the scars from the hurt I've experienced will always be there, but I'm choosing not to live this next year focusing on that anymore. Instead, I look forward to allowing those experiences to change me for the better and I'm excited for the "new and improved" person I want to become! I'm not saying it's going to be easy. I'm not saying I'm going to be perfect. But every day I'm going to use as a chance to be a better person. Every day I will use as a chance to be positive. Every day I will use as a chance to wake up, see the sun, and be grateful for what God has in store for me that day. And if a day comes when I stumble and fall, and I know I will, I will get up and try again.
I consider myself a pretty private person when it comes to myself. I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. Wear a fake smile well. I've been struggling with some things in my personal life for the past six months but especially within the past week. I've been absolutely, 100% broken! My health has not been well. My mental state even worse.
I've always been one of those people who just plain out tells it like it is. Not to intentionally hurt anyone, but to just be real with the people I come into contact with. With so much fake in the world, so much lying surrounding everything around us, I wanted to be different. I never considered it a bad quality, until recently it was brought to my attention that it's a quality that even those closest to me cannot stand. A quality almost deemed abusive. A quality hated so much, that it actually drives people away from me. And while I've always said that I don't give a damn what people think about me, when it comes to the people, or person, I love the most, I do care. I absolutely care. And I have to change to save my relationship which is much more valuable than any words or actions that I could give.
I've spent so much of my life hating people, being angry, and growing bitter and resentful. I've allowed the hurt and pain to manifest inside and control the person I became. And while I would give anyone the shirt off my back if they truly needed it, I always approach with caution, and examined the bad before looking for any good, and that's no way to live life. I've decided to try and finally let go of so many things that I've allowed to eat at my soul for the last two decades of my life.
If you're one of the people who has hurt me and therefore I have in return hurt, offended, or been rude to in any way, please accept my sincerest apologies and understand that I no longer feel any ill will. I think it's so incredibly important to make the decision and the choice to forgive and to move on, and that's what I'm planning on doing from here on out. The pain is deep and the scars from the hurt I've experienced will always be there, but I'm choosing not to live this next year focusing on that anymore. Instead, I look forward to allowing those experiences to change me for the better and I'm excited for the "new and improved" person I want to become! I'm not saying it's going to be easy. I'm not saying I'm going to be perfect. But every day I'm going to use as a chance to be a better person. Every day I will use as a chance to be positive. Every day I will use as a chance to wake up, see the sun, and be grateful for what God has in store for me that day. And if a day comes when I stumble and fall, and I know I will, I will get up and try again.
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