#BrookeUnbroken

Dear Self, You’ve stood before others and made vows that you truly believed in, and you stood by those promises. You held up your end of the deal to those who could not love you the way you loved them, so now it’s time for you to make some vows to yourself. You feel in extremes and I know you don’t remember what it feels like not to be broken. But it’s time for you to dedicate all that time and energy you invested in others into yourself. It’s time you learned to love yourself the same as you have loved others.   No more getting worked up over things or people that you cannot change. You have tried, and you have tried with all your heart. You know you cannot help people whom do not want to be helped just like you cannot love those that do not want your love. Accept it and move on. Control what you can. Let go of what you cannot. It is what it is. You always say this...now it’s time for you to believe it.  You were once so strong. You allowed one to break down your wall, allo

Anxiety isn't just having a hard time catching your breath. Anxiety is waking up at 3 am from a dead sleep because your heart is racing. Anxiety is breaking out in a rash for no reason. Anxiety is stressing over things that may or my not be real. Anxiety is questioning your faith, how could my creator allow me to feel this way!? Anxiety is calling your sister 3 hours before she gets up for work, in hopes she'll answer so you can get your mind off the attack. Anxiety is a 2 am shower. Anxiety is your mood changing in a matter of minutes. Anxiety is uncontrollable shaking and twitching. Anxiety is crying, real and painful tears. Anxiety is nausea. Anxiety is crippling. Anxiety is dark. Anxiety is having to make up excuse after excuse for your behavior. Anxiety is fear. Anxiety is worry. Anxiety is physically and emotionally draining. Anxiety is raw. Anxiety is real. Anxiety is a fight with your spouse, even though you're not mad. Anxiety is snapping at the smallest annoyance.

Grief.  They say the hardest thing one will ever have to do is grieve for someone that is still alive. I have climbed the very familiar mountain of grief. Every step:  shock, denial, anger, depression, acceptance...all of it. Hell...I recognized the view on the way up! Even saw the etchings on the trees from the treks I made the times before. Only this time I only thought I had made it to the top! I went to take care of some legal matters the other day which I thought I was completely ready for.  As I pulled into the parking lot I started uncontrollably shaking and immediately wanted to throw up.  I got out and sat on a bench for a few minutes, gave myself a pep talk, and pulled myself together.  I gathered myself and walked inside.  As I sat and waited for my number to be called, the shaking returned, the lump rose in my throat, and the unmanageable crying began.  I starred straight ahead in hopes no one was noticing trying to calm myself down but after a few minutes I got up and le