In my daughter's eyes...

Following in my footsteps, my daughter walked on her first pageant stage at the age of 18 months.  Pageantry is a tough "sport".  And yes...just like any other competitive arena...it is a "sport". It's an opinion of a group of people on that day, and could/would be different with another group of judges on another day.  It is what it is and we have learned that through the years. The most important thing is that we walk away with the life skills she is learning, the friends she is making, and the self confidence she is building that matters the most.  I use the term "we", because it's a learning experience for the both of us along the way. Mostly for her, but for me as well. 

As she was practicing interview questions with some of the girls this past week during her most recent national pageant experience, I sat down the hall listening to them. She didn't know I could hear her.  One of them asked her who her most admired person was.  Jaiden is a "tell it like it is" kind of person". Can't imagine where she gets that from right? 😉 But she's also not one to show her emotions, so when she does, you know it's got her deep down in her feels.  Again...have no idea where she gets that from! 😉😉  I was expecting her answer to be Justin Bieber...because he is her everything!! 

Her answer not only had her choked up, but you can imagine my response.  She said it was me. That her mom...me...was her most admired person. That while she realized most girls would say that as their answer, but how many girls really meant it. How many girls had a mom that worked two jobs just to be able to put food on the table and keep the lights on.  How many girls had a mom that literally fought through depression every day just to be able to wake up in the morning and decided to put their feet on the floor and get out of bed.  How many girls had a mom that could say they were a survivor of multiple suicide attempts. My mom is the strongest, most bravest person I know.    

As the tears rolled down my face, I so wanted to get up and go down that hallway, hug her, and tell her how much I loved her. But I didn't want to invade her "privacy", her space, or embarrass her.  I know it must have been hard for her to even have told anyone that, much less someone she was "competing" against. But the fact that she even felt that way about me took my breath away. We all know our kids love us. But to hear something like that is not something that happens...well ever! 

When she had her interview later in the week I was secretly hoping that question wouldn't come up for her. So as you can imagine when she walked out, she gave me our usual hand signal to let me know she was ok, and then the first moment we got to ourselves I asked how it went. She told me it was the first time she ever cried in her interview.  I acted surprised and asked her what happened, and as she started to tell me I had to stop her from going any further. I couldn't hear her say the words out loud.  She looked at me and told me it was ok, that she now had something else to fight for alongside of me.  I won't go into the details of the conversation but she truly has a very mature way of thinking and has developed such an admirable point of view on the topic.  One that has made me go from a moment of being ashamed and embarrassed for her, to realizing she didn't look at it that way, yet took it as an opportunity to use it as a means to reach out to others, and be there for me as well.  I am so proud and blessed to be her mom. 

So back to my original point of pageantry...as with any sport...there are benefits of being involved.  Some win medals. Some win trophies. Some even win crowns.  But some win far more than anything bright and shiny could ever bring them.  And Jaiden...she has a world ahead of her just waiting for her to change...one rhinestone at a time!