The Rise of the Phoenix

The Phoenix.  In ancient mythology, the symbolism of the majestic Phoenix bird, which is most often connected with the Sun, dies and is reborn across cultures and throughout time.  Ancient legend paints a picture of a magical bird, radiant and shimmering, which lives for several hundred years before it dies by bursting into flames. It is then reborn from the ashes, to start a new, long life.

It’s a tattoo that I have wanted for a few years. It’s symbolism mirrors the ups and downs of my adult life.  The good decisions. The many, many bad decisions. The consequences of those decisions. The positive that has come out of both the good and the bad. The lessons learned. The view from the top.  The progress I have made climbing out of some of deepest and darkest holes I’ve ever fallen in. It’s the scars I wear like most wear diamonds. 

I remember having the discussion once with someone very close to me. She looked me in the face and told me I had a long way to go before I could even remotely compare myself to the representation of a Phoenix. I’m harder on myself than anyone could ever be but hearing those words created a wound that won’t ever heal.  It’s one of those moments in life that you’d give anything to forget but you subconsciously replay it. 

It was another moment where I began to not only question who I really was, but more importantly recognize the struggle I had survived and commend the growth I had mastered.  My view of life has been spent looking up from the bottom more than looking down from the top.  I’m ashamed of many of those choices and am proud of others.  Would I change things if I could...of course. Who wouldn’t right! Reality is...it is what it is. Obviously there’s no going back. Other people’s judgement of me does not determine who I am, nor do I allow other’s opinions to dictate the direction I adjust my sails.  Words can sting and can’t be taken back once they’ve been said.  I’ve been on both the giving and receiving end of that.  Today I stand strongly in knowing that staying silent makes more noise than speaking my mind. A philosophy that took me a very long time to learn yet one I have mastered throughout my seasons of change.  I was not put on this earth to win the approval of others, yet to live out the life God meant for me to live whether it’s strolling down easy street or clawing my way back out of the depths of the bottom.  There are times it may seem like I’m taking three steps back for every one step forward, but at least it is progress.  I will continue to move ahead regardless and celebrate that one step forward. This Phoenix will continue to rise from the ashes.