A Life of Regrets

This song! Listen before you read! I was riding in the car the other day and as soon as it came on I started to skip it but allowed it to play.  It’s one of those songs that when you hear it, it automatically sends chills over your body and takes you back to a specific time of your life.  It was my go to song during, hands down, what was the lowest point of my life. Every 👏🏼 single 👏🏼 word 👏🏼 resonates within my soul.  It was around this time two years ago that a bad situation turned worse and my downward spiral started to move full speed ahead.  I had zero control of my life and I reached a point where I literally stared death in the face three times.  It was a horrible time and I remember the physical pain like it was yesterday.  

I often find myself feeling shameful, not for where I am today, but where I have been.  Wondering if I'd have made better choices, in life and love, where I would be today.  Angry because those choices held me back and kept me from becoming things I know I could've been.  Never has there been a moment where I ever felt sorry for myself, just ashamed.  There are apologies that I need to make that will never be said.  Sure I wish I could change so many things.  Even with that being said, I know that those experiences brought me to where I am today, they made me who I am, and more importantly remind me of who I never want to be again.  I don’t live a perfect life, yet a life where I do all I can to get through each day...one day at a time.  

And then there’s the part of the song that says “for years I’d been waiting for someone to take me
and tell me it will all be alright”.  As I listened intently, I realized that this had taken on a different meaning that it had in the past.  What had once signified a lost love had transformed into the love that presently surrounds me. A woman who was brought into my life to help heal what had been broken. She had taken on a role that she didn’t ask for, but chose not to walk away from it at the same time.  A love I’m not yet convinced I’m deserving of but I’ve vowed to not let my demons destroy that.  She deserves so much more than loving my broken soul and for that I will love her the best way that I can. There aren’t enough words to describe how grateful I am for whatever force it was that brought her into my life. It may sound stupid, it may sound cliche, but it’s genuine in every way possible. 

So next time this song pops up in my playlist I will allow it to play, I will soak in every word. I will allow it to take me back, and I will allow it to remind me of where I am today. I will allow those words to signify where I have been, but most importantly it will serve as a step in my initiative to recover out loud and soak up the love that my girlfriend surrounds me with. 


https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1Fu3EcAoX0tgQdfF9b9qqevcRxNIP9siT#brookeunbroken #recoveroutloud #mentalhealthawareness #cont;nue #semicolonproject #peytonsproject #bekind 

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