A loss isn’t always a loss...

There comes a time in every woman’s life when she realizes it’s going to be alright...that she’s going to be ok! A time where she stops putting other people before herself and starts feeling good about putting herself first in line. A time where she not only stops going hard for people who don’t go hard for her, but closes the door to them all together! A time where she’s ready to take back control of her own life and do what’s right for HER! No more “companionship” relationships where you are just content. I want real, true love...the kind where you cannot stand to be away from each other. No more getting through the day to just get to the next one. No more draining jobs. No more being taken advantage of because people make you feel guilty for things you shouldn’t feel guilty over.  No more being ran over. Life is so short. God could call us home at anytime, and when he does are you going to be able to say you lived your best life?  I’ve wasted so much time just getting by. I’ve dedicated my life to being the best mom I could be. I pour myself into my work. I give relationships more than my share. I stay when I shouldn’t. I put others before myself. That’s just the type of person I was...living for anything and everything but me. Those days are over. Judge if you may...but know you’re judgement will have zero impact on my happiness. This is my life...and the rest of it starts now.

I’ve experienced some change over the past few months or so. There was a time where going through a break up would’ve put me down for months. My depression and mental illness would’ve taken complete control over me and made my life debilitating. I built myself from the ground up. I held myself up. I made myself strong. And I did it alone. I am responsible for my own rise. And I am so damn proud of myself! Proud of where I have been, where I am now, and where I am going!  That change has brought loss, but remember not every “loss” is a loss! It has also brought love. A love I thought wasn’t real. I questioned, beat myself up...even tried to chase it away.  Fate knew more than I did.  It knew what I needed...it knew who I needed.  Who knew a six year friendship would turn into the love of my life...a love more real than anything I’ve ever experienced and one I don’t ever want to be without. She gets every part of me. She loves unconditionally...the good and the bad.  She doesn’t judge the bad, yet wraps her arms around me and makes sure I know I am loved. She makes me feel safe...and that hasn’t happened in decades. She doesn’t make me carry it all...she carries it for me. She looks she gives me are the ones that make me feel her love down to my bones. She opens the car door. She sings to me. She is everything I could ever wish for in every sense of the word. She has made me believe in forever again. She has cracked this heart of stone.  When I thought it wasn’t capable of feeling true love, she came in, swooped me off my feet, and took away every ounce of doubt I’ve had in this life.  She is the chapter I didn’t know the words to. As cliche as it all may sound, it’s the realist love I’ve ever known. She is it! She is all of it! I am so grateful...so thankful...so incredibly blessed that our paths were leading to the same destination all along.  I’m looking forward to the future with my newfound dedication to myself and the love of my life! Here’s to enjoying the ride instead of letting the ride enjoy me!