Family trees & the circle of life

Life sure has a way of slapping you in the face and putting things in perspective.  One minute you’re going through the monotony of your daily routine, the next you receive some earth shattering news. News that kicks your legs out from under you, puts you on your knees, and makes you question why you go through the motions of daily life without a thought of anything other than what’s right before you.  

Family trees and the circle of life are bittersweet.  What starts out as a tree strong enough to withstand the fiercest of winds turns into a frail hollow frame with limbs that break with the breeze.  As a child we go through our days without a worry in the world, allowing our innocence to steer our experiences.  As young adults, we take on the world as an invincible warrior without a second thought on our rash decisions.  We become parents and our once selfish ego abruptly turns into a nurturing parent who then dedicates our life to ensuring our child has anything and everything they would need to grow into the most successful human being they can be. We put ourselves on the back burner because other’s needs become more important than our own.  Next thing you know your own health reminds you that you need to pay attention. We begin to watch our parents age yet still view them as they were when we were teenagers. We watch them care for their own parents, even as they struggle with their own health at the same time. We watch our eldest members, once the strongest link, crumble into something unrecognizable. It’s at this moment that you comprehend the circle of life.

At what point during the start and end of that circle do you have a revelation? Is it before it’s too late, or are you lucky enough to have it before it’s too late? And what do you do when there are damaged family relationships during that circle? The old me used to hold a grudge and flat out refused to let it go even during those times that it ate me alive. After experiencing my greatest heartbreak in life I vowed to change a lot of things in my life. It was the biggest fight of my life doing so, but during that process I managed to leave grudges and negativity in the past. It was then that I learned how to truly forgive even though an apology may not have ever been received. I refuse confrontal behavior with family. I respond silently, because sometimes silence speaks more volume than words itself, even if they are not capable of understanding that silence.  I have grown to be the bigger person over the years because toxicity is no longer a part of my life on any level. Back in the beginning of my circle of life, there was no such thing as broken families. Or was there and I was just too innocent to see or understand it.  The faded Polaroids of those times sure don’t portray anything other than pure love.  

As that old tree on the hill of the family’s property has aged, it strongly signifies the dying bond of the family itself. Gone are the days of gathering in person as social media replaces even the holidays.  The circle of life is supposed to be never ending, with someone always following in the person before them’s footsteps.  But sometimes tears wash away those footsteps and the circle becomes smaller.  All you can do is nurture the relationships you’re left with, and rely on memories to remind you of the why.  The past cannot be changed, the damage to the circle is done, the age of the tree is irreversible.  At the end of the day the love that surrounds you is what deserves your focus. Find your place in that circle.  Love hard. Love unconditional. And make sure they know it.